How to Build Confidence around a Lady


Building confidence as a guy is critical and really shows you are a man not a boy. It is the lack of confidence around ladies that holds many guys from expressing how they feel to a lady that they want as a friend or that they have been secretly admiring for a very long time. Well, you are not alone, many guys have this problem. They get tense, anxious and feel insecure in front of the lady they adore. If this keeps on happening to you, you won’t be able to act the way you want and you will appear unattractive to most ladies. Confidence is a trait that women admire most and building self-confidence around women is necessary if you want to succeed in building a relationship with a lady.

Let me tell you a brief story about a young man named John. John met a lady named Clara in his church; he actually started developing feelings for her. He is actually a very shy guy who lacked confidence to speak up with her even though he had a strong conviction in him concerning Clara. He managed to one day gather confidence to say hi to Clara one day and she responded, they became friends and he kept dropping her home and taking her out for lunch atimes but couldn’t voice out his feelings to her. One day Clara came to him and said John guess what I just got into a relationship with a guy. The look on John’s face changed instantly and it was evident to Clara that he was not happy.

She moved closer and ask him what is it John and he said ‘I have been admiring you and I want to marry you, this is why I have been your friend for these months’. She was amazed, she shouted you would have spoken since, I thought you just wanted to be a nice friend. You see being confident is necessary in your life as a guy. Ladies hardly ask a guy out, they only try showing it by their actions through which they communicate their feelings to you without saying it widely with their mouth.

Muster your courage and conquer your fears: You have to deal with your fears and build up courage to go after that which your heart longs for to be successful in anything in life. You have to know that it is normal for people to feel unsure, uncomfortable or shy in front of another person especially if this person is someone you like so you do not have to feel less of a person or less confident. Who knows, the person that you are afraid to approach might be as shy as you are. In building self-confidence around women you have to muster your courage and conquer your fears.

Dress like a confident man: As it is always said you are addressed by the way you are dressed, this is actually true most of the time. You have to wear a confident personality to get into the mood and one way of accomplishing that is to dress well and appear confident. Wear something stylish and classy, please be yourself and don’t go borrowing. Just make sure you polish and iron what you can afford well. Pay attention to your hairstyle and even to your shoes. Trim your facial hair including the hair in your nose and cut your fingernails to appear clean and fresh. Remember that grooming yourself doesn’t mean you have to spend a fortune. There are ways to look great on a small budget.

Believe in yourself: If you do not believe in yourself nobody will believe in youLack of confidence originates from not believing in yourself and to build confidence you have to change your mindset. The way we think affects our behavior. If you do not believe in yourself, it shows in your actions. If you will start to believe more in yourself, you will start to act more confident. This is easier said than done but you have to start changing your mindset if you want to build self-confidence around women. If you will start now and keep on doing it, you will eventually become better and will naturally act confident around women. Believe that you are interesting and likeable and it will show in your actions. Once you start believing in yourself, women will find you more interesting and attractive.

Understand that rejection is normal: Every great salesman today was once faced with several rejection in life, but they never gave up. They went back, encouraged themselves and went after their dreams knowing how important it is to their lives. Many times fear of rejection is the major factor contributing to the lack of confidence of most men. Most men do not want to be rejected so they decide not to make a move at all. Some have faced rejection before so they are afraid of being faced with another. Rejection is just normal, listen to this most times ladies do not really mean what they say, and their no might be a yes deep inside them. I once spoke to a friend about this and she told me that ladies do that most times to see how serious a man is and so that you won’t start seeing them as someone that is cheap. Stop being afraid of rejection from today.

Look Directly into Her Eyes as You Speak: While undergoing training’s on public speaking and marketing, I was made to understand that while communicating with a client or an audience you must try to have an eye contact with them. Maintaining eye contact with them shows that you have confidence and you really know what you are talking about. So when you meet a lady and you want to talk to her, make sure you maintain eye contact with her. As a Yoruba (language in Nigeria) proverb says “The core of the matter is in the eyes”.

Keep Practicing: Rome was indeed not built in a day, don’t expect to overcome your lack of confidence in just a day or few. It might take time, so be patient with yourself, don’t give up, and keep practicing. Self-consciousness around women can prevent you from acting confident around them but if you will expose yourself and socialize more with women, this self-consciousness will be reduced if not eliminated. You probably already know the common saying that constant practice brings perfection and you probably have done that on some of the things that you want to learn in life. In building confidence around women, you also have to practice constantly. Practice having conversations with your female friends so that when the time comes that you have to face the lady you are attracted to, you will not be too overwhelmed.

So, it’s time to overcome your fears, build confidence and go after that which you desire out of life, and that which you have a deep conviction in your heart about.


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Saleh Victor
Saleh Victor is is a leadership and personal development coach a relationship expert writer, an innovative story teller, a blogger, and an online entrepreneur. He runs a podcast channel where he inspires people against mediocrity and becoming leaders in their sphere. Victor is a young man with passion for change and transformation, he wants to affect so many lives as he can by making ordinary men become extraordinary achievers in life.


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